Thinking back

.I know someone that causes mixed emotions.

There is the urge to joke, and also to be serious.

The mouth wants to smile and laugh, but the eyes want to cry.

The mind is tired and wants to let go, but the heart beats faster and wants to hold on.

I want my heart back, but at the same time I don't.

Honestly people, I don't know what to do. :)

But this I do know, it is 3:19 in the morning.

I'm going to go to bed

Sometimes we feel like this.

Loneliness: The search for companionship

This is a paper I wrote for school on how we can find our significant other. I invite you all to read it.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1m0VvNf1F8RhkeFc7ecHG3K8mIbliup9LPa6hN8RQgtY/edit?usp=sharing

the urge

There is a feeling I frequently get when walking outside on a starry night. I felt this feeling many times as a missionary walking beneath heavens with the moon and stars shining down on me, and I have since felt it here, at home, though not as often. The feeling that if I were to let go and jump toward the clouds, I would fly. I would leave the earth behind and soar toward the distant lights that twinkle up above. Sometimes the urge to leap and test this feeling, to see if I would indeed whiz up into the air, is almost irrepressible. I don't know what would happen, if I were to give in and let go. But I know that if I were to fly, I would never come down. This is why I don't give in. I am not yet ready to remove the tether and soar to heaven. There are too many things I have to accomplish here on the ground.
In the meantime, don't be worried should you see me tearing down the street in a blur, or catch me leaping over furniture and bushes and rocks. I am only practicing for when the time comes to take off and make my climb to eternity.

trial o the heart

"Captain," boatswain Hans called as he came out of the trees onto the beach.  "Are ye about ready to set sail? The crew is beginning to wonder if we will ever leave this island."
Hans turned a corner and stopped in his tracks. There sat his captain on the prow of one of the ship's dingies.  He was slouched, with his head resting in his h ands and his eyes vacantly watching the waves. He appeared so lost and unlike the captain, that it took Hans by surprise.
"Eh Captain," the boatswain said, quietly,  "are you alright?"
The captain slowly turned toward Hans. "Have you ever found something that made you happy and sad at the same time Mr. Hans? He asked.  His soft, low voice carried easily on the ocean breeze
"The ship's Stores Do that some Captain," Hans said,  trying for a joke.  The captain didn't even crack a grin.
"I've found something that does this to me," the captain continued.
"What?" Hans asked.
Now the captain did grin, though the smile didn't reach his eyes. He looked up at his boatswain.
"A girl. The prettiest girl I've ever laid eyes on."
"Is that all sir? Just a pretty face?"
"Nay man, this lass be something special. She is pretty, yes, but there is so much more. There is a potential in her for greatness that she ain't tapped yet."
Hans mulled over his captain's words.
The captain meanwhile was lost again as he stared off across the beach.
"I take it then, Sir, that she be the reason we ain't shoved off yet?"
"Aye," was the captain's short reply.
"An you be a planning on staying here until when exactly?"
"I can't leave until I see her again."
"I'll go tell the men to relax then Captain. Being that we are going to be here awhile."
'Thank you Hans."
Hans left his captain then to his thoughts. The captain sighed heavily. It isn't an easy thing, to be patient....

Regrets...and how to avoid em.

     Gather round me mates and maids a like, fer I have somethin' to share wi't ye. What be the thing that can weigh down our souls like an anchor a keepin us from sailin' like the free spirits we be? I propose that we can be a namin' it "the regrets o' life". What causes them? And how be it that we seem to constantly find ourselves in thar grasp? In my experience, and I might add that I do have experience with these here beasties, they come from times that I give a deaf ear to things that I should be a doin'.

      Things like not treat'n others kindly when we knows that we should. Things like lett'n our mouths say things that we think of better of the moment we let em loose. These things and many more be the causes of the regrets that later plague our lives. And if we aint careful, they can ruin em.

      When I was a young lad I discovered a strange thing about meself. I don't like to see me friends and family suffer. It makes me sad and most often angry. I started to do someth'n that weren't all that smart. That was to lay the blame on meself for any problem that one of me loved ones was a goin' thru at that time. Me thought with this was, "If its my fault, then I can fix it." I later realized that because o' this, I became quite hard on meself when I would make mistakes. However, there were some good of this, I did become more love'n and will'n to apologize first. Still, I don't believe that that is the way to fix things. We are all to blame, in a way for the things that happen to us and our loved ones. But in the end it is the personal decision of one that chooses the end result. Sin Embargo (as they say in Spanish, meaning However) that end decision can be greatly influenced by us before it is made. Making the decision to procrastinate doin' somethin' that we feel would be for thar benifit and help until after they make thar decision is where we go wrong a lot of the time. And it is from that that we get regrets.

      So how do we avoid them shipmates? Tis simple, yet tough. We must make a decision to act immediately on the good impressions that we get from that little voice, the voice o' the Holy Spirit. If something is a good and wholesome action, it can only bring good consequences in the long run. Let us not procrastinate, me hearties. Let us be better at protecting the ones we love, and lettin' them know that we love them. In this, I believe is the secret to livin' without regrets. Let the grudges, the hate, the dislike, the fear, and all them other negative emotions go. They be a hindrance and the agents o' old captain guilt and his ship "Regret".

       To those who I have caused pain and sorrow by my failure to act or speak up in time, I sincerely apologize. I hope to make up for my actions, or lack of them in this the new year.

Sincerely yours, and with love,

Captain Barnabas (Samuel) Pockets.